Why embarrass everyone?

March 4, 2012

in Personal, Two of us

I’ve learnt two things so far from this blog. One is that it’s all very well keeping my entries short but if I’m lucky enough to get responses in the form of comments, brevity goes out of the window.

But the dialogue is fascinating and enormously helpful.

Helpful at what? Well, the other thing I learn is that people –including Charles and me – have great ambivalence about having an honest look at the difficult aspects of a relationship in public.

I’m not going to go on about how these are supposed to be honest and open times. We haven’t somehow learnt openness just because sex is everywhere. I know that.  (Though the Facebook generation may be different ? I don’t know enough about them to know.)

But there is clearly ambivalence or worse. And I’m not sure why. It makes me question again why I would wish to break rules, embarrass people and open up discussions some may wish were kept private.

I’ll write sometime about why I’m a bit obsessive about openness itself. But I want to be open about the difficulties and dilemmas of a happy marriage for several reasons –

  1. Let’s normalise. People mouth platitudes about all relationships having their difficulties – but if we mention the difficulties it seems counselling and therapy, if not divorce, are next.  Well, those all have their merits but difficulties are not inevitably a crisis – they are ordinary. So let’s acknowledge that? Let’s stop feeling we’re all out on our own?
  2. Discussing these issues in public brings responses and help – hurray for that and thanks. It has also led to much animated and engaged discussion between Charles and me. Hurray for that too.
  3. May lead to other people having animated and engaged discussions.
  4. I think there are more reasons I can’t remember just now.

So I’ve found writing the blog and reading your comments helpful.

Now I imagine you may tell me why I would do better to shut up?

Door panel close up, embroidery and copyright Anne Wareham

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