There are many reasons you might find Valentine’s day makes you feel guilty, but perhaps the great unspoken one is sex.
There is a pernicious myth around which suggests that couples can continue to be ‘in love’ and having perfect, thrilling sex – for ever. This is nonsense. As are all those miserable suggestions, mostly directed at women, about how you can ‘keep your sex life steaming’..
The fact is that if you have been together three years ANY other woman has the edge over you. And in my case – that’s thirty years, not three – almost to the day.(tomorrow)
So I am way down in the desirability stakes. That rapturous feeling of being overwhelming desirable coupled by weakness of the knees and shortness of breath on encountering the object of desire is the thing we all long for and which no partner can offer after (slightly arbitrary figure here) three years. Never mind thirty.
This means that I am actually the least desirable adult woman on the planet as far as Charles is concerned. Nearly. I have proximity in my favour. That’s all. Any woman (you dare) has the excitement and novelty to offer which I lost twenty seven years – or more – ago.
The only cast iron reviver – please don’t try this at home – is one of you being unfaithful. The shock can break the cosiness a loving couple develop and wonderfully recreate the sense of encountering a stranger.
So I feel inadequate on the anniversary of our first amazing encounter. A feeling of failure and loss which will follow – perhaps both of us? – for the rest of our lives together.
Anne Wareham XXXXXX