Once upon a time – no, this is true. Once I had a friend with a very sweet small boy, and I watched his mother bringing him up from when he was a baby.
She never, ever just said ‘no’. Everything he was to do or was not to do was carefully explained to him with the reasons. Everything had reasons. It was very tedious. But it was worse than that – this poor child was being brought up to be tyrannised by reasonableness. Somehow a great many of us have arrived at the conclusion that being reasonable is a total virtue and that everything we should do should be reasonable. […continue reading…]
This is a popular little saw, and frequently applied to difficulties in relationships. It can be totally pernicious. Consider how many people you know in the world, or hear about, who are just plain awful. Bullying, violent, dishonest, addicted, inconsiderate, self centered, axe murderers (OK -I’ve been watching too much Scandinavian television..)
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I recently had an article in the Spectator.
The day after the link appeared on twitter I had a tweet from someone offering me a link to their blog. I knew better than to follow it, seeing the source, so ignored it. It was followed by a second, saying I would like this blog post. Friends told me it was a post where I was being rubbished, so I tweeted back to the effect that I know this person wants to hurt me (this is not her first ‘go’) so why would I check out her link? No thanks. […continue reading…]
Domestic life is full of minor problems and inconveniences. And I’m a addicted problem solver. So as soon as something irritates me I start thinking about how to avoid the irritation.
Well, not always quite as soon as – I had clothes hangers all caught up with one another in a totally infuriating tangled heap for years before I thought long enough to decide to make a small rail to hang the empty ones on. But that’s the kind of thing I mean.
However, if I suggest any such problem solution to Charles he is liable […continue reading…]
The best relationship in the world has to be one where I don’t feel any need to be careful. No need to be checking before I speak, wondering what will this person think of me saying that? Will it upset them? Will they understand me? Will I sound stupid?
Even in the best relationship in the world (ahem…) this possibility of not having to think twice before opening my mouth may change from day to day. […continue reading…]
