Is excluding people just not on?

March 11, 2013

in Friendship, Two of us

Tea plate

We recently made two new friends (I hope… I trust..). We met them at supper at another friend’s house and since then we have all continued to meet as a group. This has been great.

But I think that you can’t really get to know someone and solidify a friendship within a group. Perhaps you could over years? But conversations amongst six or so people are different than one to ones or even between two couples. And these are two people I’d like to get to know better and, I suppose what I’m saying is – deeper. I want to give them more attention, discover more about them, focus the talk more. So I’m thinking we’ll invite the two of them over sometime. Fine.

Now here’s the second ‘but’ – that leaves our other friends out. I hate being left out – the mere idea takes me back to the traumas of the playground. So I also hate the idea of leaving other people out. And maybe being left out too – maybe they will also get together with the others and not invite us? Ouch?

I think it might help if I let everyone in on my dilemma, so that everyone understands and so, I hope, won’t feel bad. And maybe if they invited each other and excluded us they might be kind and let us know in a tactful, low-key way….

One good way to get there might be to blog about it and send everyone a link to the post….– now, there’s a plan…

But I really also want to know what other people think about this. Am I just being super sensitive? Or am I being horrible to even think of breaking up the happy gatherings into different configurations? Or – maybe no-one can even see that there might be an issue?

lustre jug copyright Anne Wareham

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