June 26, 2012

in Two of us

Which is the biggest bit?

We all know that marriage is about loving and sharing. That must be about equal sharing, of course? Well, sure, if you win the lottery you’d split it, no problem. But what about the little things? Have you ever sneaked the best bit when you’re serving the food out of sight in the kitchen? Ever kept the biggest bit of chocolate or nicked the last glass out of the bottle?

It might be shocking to reflect on, and there must be strict limits. Taking the last piece of anything absolutely treasured by your partner is clearly a divorceable offence. But think about the reverse too.

If no-one is watching, and there you are carefully putting the best piece of steak on your partner’s plate all unbeknownst to them, so with no hope of grateful appreciation – isn’t that a bit too perfect?? Slightly… teacher’s pet ish?

And isn’t it worse to be generous and then demand appreciation?

Bowl, copyright Anne Wareham

Patina and Company July 15, 2012 at 6:25 pm

Love the honesty in that article; pretty sure we’ve all been on both sides of that giving equation and had similar thoughts! Definitely hit home here.

anne July 15, 2012 at 10:46 pm

Last night he said ‘hey, that plate’s mine, I decided it was the best one!’.

I kept it.

Sally July 4, 2012 at 10:54 pm

Oh my. This post made me snigger and blush at the same time! I’ve so done that with my other half – given myself the best bits of a meal when serving up. It’s comical though, as twice now I’ve got confused on the way to the dinner table and set down the wrong plate on his side! Oh well, that’s probably karma or something.

By I’m relieved to add that there are also times when I make sure I give him the best plate, chop my last piece of chewing gum in half with my teeth so that we both get a bit, run him a bath, make sure I get him a glass of water before bed as well as myself.

I guess it depends what mood you’re in and how you feel about your partner at the time? The ebb and flow of a relationship, the fickle nature of the ‘in love’ emotion. Human beings are sneaky creatures, too… When it comes to the last glass in the bottle though, I definitely know who’ll be glugging that! 😉

Charles June 28, 2012 at 5:42 pm

Yes, there are some delicate issues here.

We brought chocolates to friends last night that we had supper with. The chocs were placed by them on the table and we all just tucked in. My impression was that everyone was going for them according to their desire. Then there was one left. I just took it. I didn’t ask. I had had a fair amount to drink. I know I did wrong.

Generally if one steak looks better than the other I cut both in two. And then if there is a bigger portion I give that to myself. I know Anne doesn’t mind this as she often offers me her left overs.

I’m not bothered about having the last glass from a bottle, cos I am perfectly happy to open another bottle.

anne June 28, 2012 at 7:47 pm

Ah…but if it was the LAST bottle…..I wouldn’t stand a chance! XXXX

Tzipporah June 27, 2012 at 3:14 am

Yes, no point expecting appreciation if your partner doesn’t know how damn lucky they are. That’s why I ALWAYS make sure to point out every single thing I’ve done for hubby every day. Sometimes with a PowerPoint presentation. 😉

anne June 27, 2012 at 9:03 am

Nifty idea there!

Stephen June 26, 2012 at 6:26 pm

The chocolate looks awfully dark in that picture? If we were married, you could have both pieces, no complaints or divorce!!

anne June 26, 2012 at 9:53 pm

Charles would have said that once. An acquired taste!

Margaret (@maogden) June 26, 2012 at 5:04 pm

I often take the best bit. Sometimes I say, ” Can I have this one because it looks nicer?” and he will always “Yes, fine”. But I never take the biggest portion because he has a bigger appetite than me!

John June 26, 2012 at 4:33 pm

Exact equality is too idealiastic. For that matter, what is equality?

If you’re dishing up dinner then you give Charles the best bit and, no doubt, he’d give you the best bit if he were doing it. OK, if he’s dishing up you get the best bit but if you’re dishing up, the gravy’s a good mask 🙂

And I bet if you won the lottery, before splitting equally, you’d buy your own dishwasher so you could organise the cutlery your way.

A relationship is about give and take. At different times the proportions are different. Fairness (as you’ve titled your post) and mutual respect count for far more than equality which is probably undefinable anyway.

anne June 26, 2012 at 4:37 pm

Ummm…thinking about that one.

John June 26, 2012 at 4:46 pm

Now come on Anne; this is the other site 🙂

mike June 26, 2012 at 6:17 pm

I’ve found best way forward when dividing one thing between two, is for one to cut and the other to choose, but the kids are grown up now so we don’t even think about it.

In our house the rule is that whoever wants the last piece of anything has the absolute right to claim it with no guilt whatsoever. I find it much easier to come to terms with not having it if she wanted it more than me, than to be made to feel guilty because I’ve nabbed it. ( which neither of us would ever do to the other)

The only thing we are duty bound to offer before nabbing is alcohol especially if we have already had a drink as we can’t drive to the shop for more.

its when the little things become an issue that you know there’s something bigger out of kilter.

anne June 26, 2012 at 9:55 pm

O yes, a lot can hang on these apparently small things..

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