Do singles want to eat (and drink) with couples?

March 18, 2012

in Friendship

We are hoping to make a new friend.

Well, that is an anxiety provoking and delicate business, and worthy of a great deal of thought. But here is just one aspect of it – do couples ask single people to dinner on their own?

We met A. at a party and she got in touch after saying it had been good to meet  (that was delightful and such a great start) – and we went on to have supper together, the three of us, in a local pub. And we had a great evening, and posited more..

As the two of us were coming home, Charles and I were talking about ‘what’s next’ and wondering who of our friends we might invite round for supper (supper/dinner – which should it be called? There’s another interesting question) with A. And I realised I didn’t really want to invite anyone else at this point.

We are still getting to know one another – an exciting thing to do. I think that the less people involved the better: this is not a performance after all – it is a friendship that is mooted. I love to bring our friends together, at parties and..err..meals, but I also like good friends to be close. And you can’t get close round a table of – well, how many?? Can you?

So, the next question was – would any person who lives alone want to spend time with a couple? What are the issues that arise there? Can couples be claustrophobic? Do they tend to play out their issues in front of someone else in a way that needs to be diluted by other people? How often is it possible to really like and want to know both parties of a couple? Should it not be the couple but just one of the couple, maybe?

And – do all these possibilities keep sufficient space and flexibility for the possibility of either a friend of the first order – ie  a good friend but not a ‘best friend’, of whom there can never be very many, or of the second order – of whom there can be a good many more?

I have a feeling that we’re not supposed to think about this so much; that it’s all supposed to somehow be spontaneous and seamless. Well – there’s yet another question. Feels full of potential pitfalls, making new friends..

XXXX

Bridget's gift copyright Anne Wareham

 

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